Lately

I just realized it's been almost two months since I blogged, and that I hadn't blogged much prior to that.  And that I miss blogging. Which made me think "Why haven't I blogged in a while?" Then I immediately thought, "Oh right. I have two children under the age of two." And then I wanted to cry.

Two under two is difficult. It is challenging. It makes you want to pull your hair out. So sometimes you just have to cry, then take a deep breath and keep going.

I often remind myself that this stage of life is not forever. My babies will not be small forever. Someday they will no longer have a constant need for me. One day they will be self sufficient and be able to meet their own needs. Then  that makes me want to cry too.

So many emotions have been filling my heart lately. Mostly joy and happiness. But also frustration. Struggling to feel like a woman, not just a Mama. Finding the balance between chaos and routine. Putting aside things that don't HAVE to get done so that I can spend time holding Inara and coloring with Declan. Telling myself that the dishes that are piling up in the sink and the dust bunnies collecting on the floor can wait, but my children can not.

Mother hood is a difficult and challenging responsibility. It is the toughest job I have ever had, but the most rewarding one as well. I have to daily surrender my wants, needs, and desires in order to provide my children with a life that is happy, healthy, stable, and memorable.

I heard someone say once that parenting is easy, if you don't care how your children turn out.

Well, I do care. So that's what I've been doing lately...caring.