I have been hesitant to write this post for several weeks now. I know that I need to do it, but it is challenging because in it I will have to be real, honest, open, and vulnerable. And that is a little scary. However, by writing it, it will give me a chance to process what I've been going through, and hopefully a chance to minister to others.
I guess this all began back in July when I attended a 5 week class at my church called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. During those five weeks, my world was rocked as I learned things I had never been taught before and was hit hard with truths that my heart had been longing for, but I didn't even know it. There was so much ground that the enemy had a hold of in my life that I was beginning to take from him and give to Jesus.
Then, a couple months ago I was awoken by a nightmare in the middle of the night. It really shook me up and scared me. I internalized the feelings from the dream, and continued to struggle with them for weeks after that. I started to allow fear and anxiety to take over my thoughts, my daily activities, my hopes and my dreams for the future. And because of that, I was weak, and the enemy took it as an opportunity to attack. For several weeks I was continually hit by intense spiritual warfare, and it was brutal. I felt paralyzed by fear. I felt like I was in a cave of darkness and couldn't see light anywhere around me. I felt like I never going to recover.
I have struggled with some anxieties off and on for most of my life, so I was wasn't understanding why this particular experience was proving to be so difficult for me. In the past I would feel anxious about something, and after a couple days at the most, it would dissipate, I would feel better, and then move on with my life. WHY was this time different? I struggled with that question for several weeks, and then it finally hit me: What would I do without the fear and anxiety? It had become such a part of my life that I didn't know how to function without it. And THAT scared me.
But I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to live in fear. I don't want to be afraid of going after the hard things. I want to be a woman of power and confidence because that is who God designed me to be. I want to trust and believe in a God who is bigger than my circumstances. I want to stand on the promise that He is in complete control and knows what He is doing. I want to believe without a shadow of a doubt that "The goodness of God endures continually" Psalm 52:1.
There is a song that I have been listening to over and over again lately because of it's powerful lyrics and music, and because it brings me comfort and courage. It's called 'It Is Well', by Bethel Music & Kristene DiMarco. The chorus is on repeat in my brain: Let go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name. May I continually let go and trust in the Mighty One who's goodness endures continually.
I guess this all began back in July when I attended a 5 week class at my church called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. During those five weeks, my world was rocked as I learned things I had never been taught before and was hit hard with truths that my heart had been longing for, but I didn't even know it. There was so much ground that the enemy had a hold of in my life that I was beginning to take from him and give to Jesus.
Then, a couple months ago I was awoken by a nightmare in the middle of the night. It really shook me up and scared me. I internalized the feelings from the dream, and continued to struggle with them for weeks after that. I started to allow fear and anxiety to take over my thoughts, my daily activities, my hopes and my dreams for the future. And because of that, I was weak, and the enemy took it as an opportunity to attack. For several weeks I was continually hit by intense spiritual warfare, and it was brutal. I felt paralyzed by fear. I felt like I was in a cave of darkness and couldn't see light anywhere around me. I felt like I never going to recover.
I have struggled with some anxieties off and on for most of my life, so I was wasn't understanding why this particular experience was proving to be so difficult for me. In the past I would feel anxious about something, and after a couple days at the most, it would dissipate, I would feel better, and then move on with my life. WHY was this time different? I struggled with that question for several weeks, and then it finally hit me: What would I do without the fear and anxiety? It had become such a part of my life that I didn't know how to function without it. And THAT scared me.
But I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to live in fear. I don't want to be afraid of going after the hard things. I want to be a woman of power and confidence because that is who God designed me to be. I want to trust and believe in a God who is bigger than my circumstances. I want to stand on the promise that He is in complete control and knows what He is doing. I want to believe without a shadow of a doubt that "The goodness of God endures continually" Psalm 52:1.
There is a song that I have been listening to over and over again lately because of it's powerful lyrics and music, and because it brings me comfort and courage. It's called 'It Is Well', by Bethel Music & Kristene DiMarco. The chorus is on repeat in my brain: Let go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name. May I continually let go and trust in the Mighty One who's goodness endures continually.
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