The Same Outfit

When I was pregnant with Declan my aunt Barbara gave me a couple of gender neutral outfits for one of my baby shower's. They were 18-24 month sizes and I remember thinking when I opened them, "Will my baby EVER fit into these clothes??" ... Well, my first baby eventually did and now my second baby does as well.

It's really sweet to see Inara wearing something that Declan once did. Since we had a boy then a girl, I haven't had the chance to reuse baby clothes, so it warms my heart to see something used twice on two of my kids. I just love baby clothes and I especially love the clothes that my babies have worn.

Inara @ 17 months

Declan @ 19 months 

The Adorableness That Is My Children

This may be a post that most people read and think "Oh my gosh! Barf. Would you please stop BRAGGING about your children???!!!" And if that is you, I apologize AND give you permission to stop reading NOW. Don't even hesitate. But if you don't mind my bragging, then please continue.

I often look at this blog as a way for me to journal/document the special times in life, and, I felt like it was time to "jot down" the adorable things that my two babies have been doing lately. I love having a place that I can reference and remember these times of life. It also serves as a place for family and friends to participate in our adventures, if they so choose.

I am really, really loving the ages of my kids right now. Declan turned three at the end of August and Inara will be 18 months in two weeks. They are both extremely curious about the world around them. Declan is talking non stop and Inara's vocabulary is increasing by the day it seems. I love watching them discover new things and being delighted by stuff that most adults take for granted. Declan is constantly asking questions and Inara will sit and manipulate a toy for the longest time.

Declan loves trains, tractors, trucks, cars, boats, and basically anything that moves. He loves having books read to him and always asks me to read to him at the most inopportune times. He adores his sister, and is learning to be a very obedient, helpful, and honest boy. He is so funny and will make up songs that make no sense at all, knowing that it will make us laugh.

Inara is SO STINKIN' CUTE. Seriously. I am so delighted by her. Mind you, she is a pill a lot of the time. She loves to be held which is frustrating when I am trying to get stuff done around the house. She would have me hold her all day long if she a choice. She loves her baby dolls, wearing sunglasses, putting on clothes by herself (or trying to), playing with Declan, singing, dancing, and reading books.

Now, if I'm being honest, some days are really tough. I don't want to paint this rosy picture that is inaccurate. Some days I want to bash my head into a wall. But I'd have to say that most days are delightful. I have REALLY good, REALLY sweet kids. I love taking them out with me on errands and to story time at the library and to play with friends and to the park. Sean and I are blessed, and so very thankful for them and for the personalities God has given them.

Declan playing with trains & train tracks

Walking hand in hand

Doing art work

Riding in the wagon in our back yard

Inara the Fashionista

Let Go My Soul And Trust In Him

I have been hesitant to write this post for several weeks now. I know that I need to do it, but it is challenging because in it I will have to be real, honest, open, and vulnerable. And that is a little scary. However, by writing it, it will give me a chance to process what I've been going through, and hopefully a chance to minister to others.

I guess this all began back in July when I attended a 5 week class at my church called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. During those five weeks, my world was rocked as I learned things I had never been taught before and was hit hard with truths that my heart had been longing for, but I didn't even know it. There was so much ground that the enemy had a hold of in my life that I was beginning to take from him and give to Jesus.

Then, a couple months ago I was awoken by a nightmare in the middle of the night. It really shook me up and scared me. I internalized the feelings from the dream, and continued to struggle with them for weeks after that. I started to allow fear and anxiety to take over my thoughts, my daily activities, my hopes and my dreams for the future. And because of that, I was weak, and the enemy took it as an opportunity to attack. For several weeks I was continually hit by intense spiritual warfare, and it was brutal. I felt paralyzed by fear. I felt like I was in a cave of darkness and couldn't see light anywhere around me. I felt like I never going to recover.

I have struggled with some anxieties off and on for most of my life, so I was wasn't understanding why this particular experience was proving to be so difficult for me. In the past I would feel anxious about something, and after a couple days at the most, it would dissipate, I would feel better, and then move on with my life. WHY was this time different? I struggled with that question for several weeks, and then it finally hit me: What would I do without the fear and anxiety? It had become such a part of my life that I didn't know how to function without it. And THAT scared me.

But I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to live in fear. I don't want to be afraid of going after the hard things. I want to be a woman of power and confidence because that is who God designed me to be. I want to trust and believe in a God who is bigger than my circumstances. I want to stand on the promise that He is in complete control and knows what He is doing. I want to believe without a shadow of a doubt that "The goodness of God endures continually" Psalm 52:1.

There is a song that I have been listening to over and over again lately because of it's powerful lyrics and music, and because it brings me comfort and courage. It's called 'It Is Well', by Bethel Music & Kristene DiMarco. The chorus is on repeat in my brain: Let go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name. May I continually let go and trust in the Mighty One who's goodness endures continually.